Today, I have been reflecting on my early years of teaching and a particular encounter that has stayed with me. During that time, I had a child who sat with me during recess due to behavior issues. He looked up at me and with a mischievous smile he said, “You’re scared of me, Ms. Erean.” I wasn’t scared of him at all; in fact, I found his comment intriguing. So, I asked him, “Why do you think I’m scared of you?”

With a smile he proclaimed: “I’m bad. I’m always bad. I got kicked out of my last school, and I’m going to be bad at this school too.” In that moment, my heart ached for him. It was clear he had been labeled and had internalized those negative messages about himself.
I realized that this child didn’t just need discipline; he needed understanding and support. I responded gently, “You know, everyone makes mistakes, and that doesn’t mean you’re bad. It just means you’re still learning.”

From that day on, I made it my mission to help him see his potential. We worked together to set small goals, focusing on positive behaviors rather than the negatives. I encouraged him to express his feelings and celebrated his successes, no matter how small. Slowly, he began to change, and so did my perspective.

His journey taught me a valuable lesson: the power of belief and support can transform a child’s self-image. As educators, we have the unique opportunity to redefine what a child believes about themselves. Instead of seeing a “bad” kid, I learned to see a child filled with potential, just waiting for someone to believe in him.

As the saying goes, “A child will burn down the village to feel the warmth among the ash.” This speaks to the lengths children may go to seek attention or affirmation.

What are some ways you’ve helped students reframe their self-perception and discover their strengths?

In my role as a math interventionist (although looking back I did it as a homeroom teacher, but I don't think as intentionally as I do it now), I have found that many of my students can do the math, they just don't believe they can. As educators, we wear so many hats and one of them is helping students see their potential. I now ask students when they answer a question for me: "Are you asking me or are you telling me?" This questions prompts students to be more convicted in their answer to me. Or if they aren't sure about their answer, it prompts them to go back and recheck it. I have the conversation with students that if they aren't sure of their answer then they need to take a second look at it. They should always answer confidently if they did the work. If it's wrong, we will figure out what happened. It has been so rewarding to hear teachers say that their students are more confident in their answers when sharing in class.

What are your strategies for building trust with students who seem withdrawn or reluctant to engage?

Each student is different. Here are some ideas that I have used.
1. Go back to your beginning of the year student surveys. Find an interest of this student and build it into a lesson. Mention their name as you talk about this interest.
2. Warn this student quietly that you are going to ask them to answer the next question so they are prepared.
3. Give the student a note with a positive message or email the parent with a positive message.
4. Ask the student to help you do something to prepare for a lesson. Draw the picture. Set up the equipment. Engage the student in a conversation while you do this.

What other strategies have you tried?

A great idea when you have a substitute to motivate your students.

What is tough for kids about being social?

How do you promote student leadership in your classroom? One way that I promote leadership with the students is by giving a list of Leadership Axioms. During the first days of school while review policies and procedures, the axioms are introduced. We use these to help us become a better leader.

What are your go to methods for building strong, trusting relationships with your students?

I love this idea! What are some ways you check in with your students?